I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
