Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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