I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
