WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
