My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
