New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
