Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
