I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
