Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
