I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
