My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
try to milk me bitch
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