I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
