I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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