so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
