What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
