My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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