There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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