i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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