Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
