I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
