bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
