last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
