dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
