Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
