When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You left your phone here
Wait...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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