My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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