my being single is dangerous.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
