I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
