Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
