He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
