I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
