your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
