quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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