I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
