I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
