it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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