he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
