I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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