I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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