i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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