I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
