I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
