I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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