Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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