How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
