insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
