Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
