YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
