Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just pee around me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
