Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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