Who did Billy Mays play for?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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