we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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