I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
