I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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